Assalamualaikum guys
its been freakin 17 days since my last post. Told you, i write when i feel to, and i do not write when i feel not to. So for today, i decided to blog because somehow today my mood kinda swing -which i do not get angry or what, i just feel like crying and feeling so numb- why do i feel so ? because, today, my crush's brother is going to pursue his study oversea and this situation where everyone posted his pictures, remind me of my crush. actually, i am in the process to move on. I did this move on thingy since December 2016. I thought that i already move on, but somehow, i dont. And its really hurt for me to know the fact that i do not move on yet. because everytime i saw his picture, his tweets, his comments and so on, i will become gloomy and quiet.
There is one fact that you guys should know, i have crushing on him since 2012. its a very long time right ? yes i know. but i cant help it. i am the type of girl who is very hard to have a crush on someone seriously because once i do, its really hard for me to move on someday. and the second fact is, my mom knows all about him because i do tell my mom everything. so today, his abang is going to oversea to pursue his study, and suddenly, my thoughts goes to him. since we were quite close years ago, i had some memories that i shared with him. we were classmates for 2 years. close homeroom members. we went to trip together and so on. at the same time, my bestfriend and his bestfriend which means, our own bestfriend were together, so from that point, we start to be much more closer. i laughed at his jokes, he laughed at mine 😂 I miss the moments.
But then, i realised that i had a crush on him. but i dont tell him. i do not want to crash our friendship and being selfish. no. i am not that type of person. but then, i think he realised that i have something that i keep from him, he started to ignore, less talking with me. I dont ask him why. because i think, thats the reason. kau gila aku nak tanya, nanti kang aku tanya kena atas muka buat malu je. i am still a girl kan, its not manis. my parents dont teach me that. we do not contact each other pun we never texted eaxh other kalau takde benda penting yang macam kerja ke whatever. tapi, its a routine kut, every year, kalau birthday, mesti wish. mesti. dari kitaorang kawan biasa lagi. mesti malam tu akan text and wish. pastu habis kat situ. and setiap kali dapat text dari dia kalau bukan masa birthday, memang aku takut gila nervous nak bukak text tu. hahahaha. over right ? but then, last year, on 10th November 2016, he do not text me like he always do. he do not wished my birthday to the point that i cried so hard. For the first time in my life, i cried over a boy, who doesnt even know the truth about my feelings towards him. you want to call it friendzone ? yes it is . it is FRIENDZONE. and i dont care. i called my bestfriend, i want her to listen my cry, i want her to comfort me which she did. she asked me to move on. i called my mum, told her that he didnt wish my birthday, she also comfort me, saying that there are a lot of guys in this world, you can have better, Hmm. they all knew that bukannya salah lelaki tu pun. he did nothing wrong. kan ?
and today, again, i feel very heartbroken. i do not know why. i tried to move on but i cant. Umi asked me just now, "kenapa nadia ? whats wrong ? gaduh dengan pakwe ke ?" and i laughed for it. HHAHAHAAHA 😂 i told her i dont even have a boyfriend nak ajak gaduh. and then she said " ye ke ? padahal dah ada" and again i said, i dont have a boyfriend. and i slowly said, "dengan dia pun tak move on lagi" and then suddenly my eyes become watery . my mum shocked. quickly she tarik me and letak my kepala atas riba dia. she said, its okay dear. you can do it. and i cried. AGAIN. its so sad to think of how fool i am. thinking of him nights and days. haih. its a part of growing kan ? betul tak ?
Susah bila kita dah suka someone. bukan suka yang main main. because i am not an ordinary girl yang senang senang suka orang, yang makeup sana sini, yang text dengan semua lelaki yanga da atas muka bumi ni . NO, its not me. I am someone yang kalau suka, suka betul betul, kalau kawan, memang kawan betul betul. kalau benci pun, benci betul betul. That is why, when i fall, i fall hard. so lets not make it happen. okay ? and also, i am loyal so that it is very hard for me to change this character of mine. and come to think of it, sebab ni lah kut i am very afraid to have a relationship with any boys. kawan boleh, lebih tak kut. sebabnya, takut kalau nanti aku betul betul sayang, buat sakit diri sendiri je lagipun, betul jugak umi cakap, i have lots of time. banyak lagi masa, panjang lagi perjalanan. and now, is not the right time yet.
for you, if you happen to read this entry, i really like you. but thats a very long time ago. because for now, im still finding the right way on how to move on and not to think of you anymore. i hope we can remain befriend, and i wish you goodluck in your life. your friend, nadia.
Friday, 17 February 2017
Wednesday, 1 February 2017
Characters ?
Hey there ✌
Here i am back , writing this entry up after a very hectic schedule past few weeks . haih . tu lah kan, hidup ni , banyak benda nak kena settle, selesai satu , datang lagi satu masalah . aku pernah dengar satu quote ni , dia cakap " kalau tanak ada masalah, mati adalah jalan penyelesaiannya". deep aite ? Huhu . Keep having faith in life, sentiasa bersyukur , then everything will be solved !
So tonight, i feel like sharing my characters when i am with different person . I dont know why, tapi rasa macam nak buat write up pasal ni je . Bukannya ada orang yang baca pun , last last aku jugak yang ngadap balik semua benda ni. Just for memories kayy ? mana tahu lepasni aku bertukarr jadi otomen ke ? kan ? HAHAHA 😂 so basically, i have so many characters . seriously . SO MANY ! whether i am with my parents, siblings, friends, bestfriends and strangers . its all different . haih . i do not know why, but yeah , this is me . HAHA
so, i would like to start with my attitude with strangers . when i am with strangers, i tend to be more serious and have a malas nak layan kinda perangai. kadang tu sampai tahap annoying dia cakap pun aku buat tak dengar. hehe . perangai kan ? dah nak buat cemana . because i am not someone yang jumpa jumpa terus boleh gelak gelak sembang macam dah lama kenal . no , its not me . kecuali dengan dua orang manusia yang aku pun tak reti nak explain cemana . kitaorang jumpa terus boleh melompat sesama sebab over excited tempat asal sama. HAHAHHAA . sumpah lawak time tu sebab lepastu aku macam dah kembali waras and terpikir kenapa aku jadi macam tu and suddenly awkward situation tetiba muncul. HAHAHA . but its a good thing tho ! bcs until now , we still have the sister-ly friendship bonding kinda thing . lepas tahap strangers, dia akan upgrade jadi kawan kan ? dengan kawan pun i tend to do the same . hehe. malas nak layan sangat apa benda yang dorang cakap . dalam whatsapp group pun kalau tak perlu aku tak menyampuk pun . malas . kalau dorang nak aku , nanti dorang carilah . kalau tak , takdelah . macam tu je , okei ? HAHAHHA
Bestfriend . dengan bestfriends, my attitude is absolutely lain kalau banding dengan kawan kawan biasa . why ? its because i have the feelings to take care of them , not to get them hurt by anyone except by me HAHAHA and of course, not to let any boys to hurt my girls . the last part is very hard for me . sampai aku rasa tanak kesah dah pasal tu. but at the end, i cant. up until now, i still cant. poor myself. i did cried because of this kind of problem. dia macam ni tau, when my girls ada dorang punya someone, and sometimes aku rasa dorang macam overboard, crossing the limit, i will tegur dorang. eventho yang melebih tu dorang punya partner, aku still tegur my girls. sebabnya satu je, aku tanak dorang kena mengata dengan mulut mulut cilakak and also aku tanak kalau tetiba dorang clash ke apa ke kan, tak ke malu ? Hmm , tapi mintak jauh la kan ? and one more thing, kalau dengan srang ni, i tend to tell her almost all of my stories and secrets. and also, my family loves her so much dah aku rasa 😂😂 there is a polaroid picture of me and her, umi letak dekat peti. and yes , that one is very precious and aku rasa aku paling kesah pasal dia lah . kalau ada apa apa , i will tell her. once, i called her, aku tak cakap apa apa pun, i just cried, and she just dengar je aku menangis macam orang gila masa tu. just because i miss her. HEHE. am i cute ?
Next, when i am with my family, once again, my character change. since i am the last daughter in my family, aku jadi macam manja clingy jenis yang mintak penampa macam tu. oh lupa nak bagitau, dengan friends, aku dikenali dengan seorang perempuan yang jenis ada gen gen lelaki sikit. sikit je la tapi, tak banyak. HAHAHAHHA. so lain laa perangai aku dengan kawan dengan family. family aku pulak, kalau aku nak apa apa, most of the things that i wish i could have, will be mine. not everything, tapi most laa. apa kau ingat aku kaya sangat nak semua benda dapat ? bahagia hidup ? hahahahaha. satu lagi aku bukan jenis yang rapat dengan one of the parents je. no. i am someone yang dengan umi pun aku cerita semua benda dengan ayah pun sama. macam tu. so thats why, my mum said, "dari kecik sampai ke besar manja dia ni sorang tak habis habis. kalah adik" and i was like, " so whutttt . manja dengan umi ayah je pun , bukan dengan orang lain. and im not ready to give my love to someone else besides you both" lepastu umi ayah senyapppp terus. HEHE. nak tahu kenapa boleh keluar ayat tu ? bcs masa umi ayah nak pergi umrah and masa tu i was at kolej, i called my mum. i cried. tak cakap apa apa. nangis je. umi masa tu dah cuak dah takut takut ada apa apa yang jadi kan. dah la dorang nak pergi dah esok tu. umi duk tanya kenapa kenapa . and at last, i answered, kenpa umi g umrah ?! umi masa tu terkejut gila. hahahaha. aku pun tak tahu kenapa boleh terkeluar ayat tu. at that time, i with my girls and they also terkejut yang aku nangis tetiba pastu cakap macam tu . hahahahaha. sumpah lawak and rasa macam budak. but whatever, she is my mum , not my boyfriend pun okei . pastu petang tu ayah whatsapp, tanya, hujan dah stop ke belum. hahahahahha . aku gelak masa tu YA Tuhannnnnnn hanya Allah je lah yang tau masa tu sumpah lawak plus malu. sampai sekarang duk ungkit benda ni. hahahha. yes, i am manja. ya saya mengaku. tapi dengan umi ayah and family only. kalau dengan orang lain saya minta maaf nak minta sepak boleh. gitu kau ! over tak ? hahaha 😂😂
kalau dengan my sisters pun sama, i tend to be more clingy and manja with them nak nak lagi dengan angah. kalau my kak cik, she is more to best friend who would like to listen to my never ending rants and layan my late phone calls and i am her tempat luahan perasaan and my secrets save with her. kalau kakak pulak, she is a big sister who i need to respect the most and i kinda takut sikit dengan dia. but she is nice, bcs if i screenshot something from instagram and foward the picture to her, i know that barang tu akan ada depan mata the moment i meet her sooner or later. hehe. and she is someone who take care of us, siblings. kalau adik, he is the only boy kan, so dia macam abang. dia punya tinggi tu mak aih, kalau aku . pastu dia macam protective towards her sisters and also dengan dia, i will have to listen to his stupid jokes and his ideal type of girl and with his never ending advices telling me to not fall in love with bad guys and bla bla bla . nontheless, i love them all . my sisters and my baby boy.
satu lagi, i am someone who is very loyal. kalau aku dah suka, aku suka betul. kalau dah sayang memang susah nak lepas. thats why, buat masa ni yang datang dekat memang aku tolak. sebabnya, takut sakit sekali lagi. naya laa aku. apa kau ingat hati aku ni keras sangat ke sampai orang duk main baling tak pecah pecah. cukuplah sekali, tu pun dah retak sikit. HAHAHHAHAHA . lagi satu, jalan aku masih panjang, masa ni tak sesuai lagi.
Here i am back , writing this entry up after a very hectic schedule past few weeks . haih . tu lah kan, hidup ni , banyak benda nak kena settle, selesai satu , datang lagi satu masalah . aku pernah dengar satu quote ni , dia cakap " kalau tanak ada masalah, mati adalah jalan penyelesaiannya". deep aite ? Huhu . Keep having faith in life, sentiasa bersyukur , then everything will be solved !
So tonight, i feel like sharing my characters when i am with different person . I dont know why, tapi rasa macam nak buat write up pasal ni je . Bukannya ada orang yang baca pun , last last aku jugak yang ngadap balik semua benda ni. Just for memories kayy ? mana tahu lepasni aku bertukarr jadi otomen ke ? kan ? HAHAHA 😂 so basically, i have so many characters . seriously . SO MANY ! whether i am with my parents, siblings, friends, bestfriends and strangers . its all different . haih . i do not know why, but yeah , this is me . HAHA
so, i would like to start with my attitude with strangers . when i am with strangers, i tend to be more serious and have a malas nak layan kinda perangai. kadang tu sampai tahap annoying dia cakap pun aku buat tak dengar. hehe . perangai kan ? dah nak buat cemana . because i am not someone yang jumpa jumpa terus boleh gelak gelak sembang macam dah lama kenal . no , its not me . kecuali dengan dua orang manusia yang aku pun tak reti nak explain cemana . kitaorang jumpa terus boleh melompat sesama sebab over excited tempat asal sama. HAHAHHAA . sumpah lawak time tu sebab lepastu aku macam dah kembali waras and terpikir kenapa aku jadi macam tu and suddenly awkward situation tetiba muncul. HAHAHA . but its a good thing tho ! bcs until now , we still have the sister-ly friendship bonding kinda thing . lepas tahap strangers, dia akan upgrade jadi kawan kan ? dengan kawan pun i tend to do the same . hehe. malas nak layan sangat apa benda yang dorang cakap . dalam whatsapp group pun kalau tak perlu aku tak menyampuk pun . malas . kalau dorang nak aku , nanti dorang carilah . kalau tak , takdelah . macam tu je , okei ? HAHAHHA
Bestfriend . dengan bestfriends, my attitude is absolutely lain kalau banding dengan kawan kawan biasa . why ? its because i have the feelings to take care of them , not to get them hurt by anyone except by me HAHAHA and of course, not to let any boys to hurt my girls . the last part is very hard for me . sampai aku rasa tanak kesah dah pasal tu. but at the end, i cant. up until now, i still cant. poor myself. i did cried because of this kind of problem. dia macam ni tau, when my girls ada dorang punya someone, and sometimes aku rasa dorang macam overboard, crossing the limit, i will tegur dorang. eventho yang melebih tu dorang punya partner, aku still tegur my girls. sebabnya satu je, aku tanak dorang kena mengata dengan mulut mulut cilakak and also aku tanak kalau tetiba dorang clash ke apa ke kan, tak ke malu ? Hmm , tapi mintak jauh la kan ? and one more thing, kalau dengan srang ni, i tend to tell her almost all of my stories and secrets. and also, my family loves her so much dah aku rasa 😂😂 there is a polaroid picture of me and her, umi letak dekat peti. and yes , that one is very precious and aku rasa aku paling kesah pasal dia lah . kalau ada apa apa , i will tell her. once, i called her, aku tak cakap apa apa pun, i just cried, and she just dengar je aku menangis macam orang gila masa tu. just because i miss her. HEHE. am i cute ?
Next, when i am with my family, once again, my character change. since i am the last daughter in my family, aku jadi macam manja clingy jenis yang mintak penampa macam tu. oh lupa nak bagitau, dengan friends, aku dikenali dengan seorang perempuan yang jenis ada gen gen lelaki sikit. sikit je la tapi, tak banyak. HAHAHAHHA. so lain laa perangai aku dengan kawan dengan family. family aku pulak, kalau aku nak apa apa, most of the things that i wish i could have, will be mine. not everything, tapi most laa. apa kau ingat aku kaya sangat nak semua benda dapat ? bahagia hidup ? hahahahaha. satu lagi aku bukan jenis yang rapat dengan one of the parents je. no. i am someone yang dengan umi pun aku cerita semua benda dengan ayah pun sama. macam tu. so thats why, my mum said, "dari kecik sampai ke besar manja dia ni sorang tak habis habis. kalah adik" and i was like, " so whutttt . manja dengan umi ayah je pun , bukan dengan orang lain. and im not ready to give my love to someone else besides you both" lepastu umi ayah senyapppp terus. HEHE. nak tahu kenapa boleh keluar ayat tu ? bcs masa umi ayah nak pergi umrah and masa tu i was at kolej, i called my mum. i cried. tak cakap apa apa. nangis je. umi masa tu dah cuak dah takut takut ada apa apa yang jadi kan. dah la dorang nak pergi dah esok tu. umi duk tanya kenapa kenapa . and at last, i answered, kenpa umi g umrah ?! umi masa tu terkejut gila. hahahaha. aku pun tak tahu kenapa boleh terkeluar ayat tu. at that time, i with my girls and they also terkejut yang aku nangis tetiba pastu cakap macam tu . hahahahaha. sumpah lawak and rasa macam budak. but whatever, she is my mum , not my boyfriend pun okei . pastu petang tu ayah whatsapp, tanya, hujan dah stop ke belum. hahahahahha . aku gelak masa tu YA Tuhannnnnnn hanya Allah je lah yang tau masa tu sumpah lawak plus malu. sampai sekarang duk ungkit benda ni. hahahha. yes, i am manja. ya saya mengaku. tapi dengan umi ayah and family only. kalau dengan orang lain saya minta maaf nak minta sepak boleh. gitu kau ! over tak ? hahaha 😂😂
kalau dengan my sisters pun sama, i tend to be more clingy and manja with them nak nak lagi dengan angah. kalau my kak cik, she is more to best friend who would like to listen to my never ending rants and layan my late phone calls and i am her tempat luahan perasaan and my secrets save with her. kalau kakak pulak, she is a big sister who i need to respect the most and i kinda takut sikit dengan dia. but she is nice, bcs if i screenshot something from instagram and foward the picture to her, i know that barang tu akan ada depan mata the moment i meet her sooner or later. hehe. and she is someone who take care of us, siblings. kalau adik, he is the only boy kan, so dia macam abang. dia punya tinggi tu mak aih, kalau aku . pastu dia macam protective towards her sisters and also dengan dia, i will have to listen to his stupid jokes and his ideal type of girl and with his never ending advices telling me to not fall in love with bad guys and bla bla bla . nontheless, i love them all . my sisters and my baby boy.
satu lagi, i am someone who is very loyal. kalau aku dah suka, aku suka betul. kalau dah sayang memang susah nak lepas. thats why, buat masa ni yang datang dekat memang aku tolak. sebabnya, takut sakit sekali lagi. naya laa aku. apa kau ingat hati aku ni keras sangat ke sampai orang duk main baling tak pecah pecah. cukuplah sekali, tu pun dah retak sikit. HAHAHHAHAHA . lagi satu, jalan aku masih panjang, masa ni tak sesuai lagi.
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